The term "codependency" originated in the 1980's to describe the behavior of partners of people suffering from substance use issues. Since then, this term has widened to include not only those impacted by another's addiction but anyone who engages in one-sided relationships and tries to "save" another.
In other words, codependency is the idea that "I'm okay as long as you are okay." Our sense of self-worth, identity and even our sense of purpose can be tied to another person, leaving us on a roller coaster from hell. In an effort to be liked and feel worthy we compromise our values to sustain relationships that don't serve us, leaving us drained and resentful.
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We often have a sense that we're drawn to people who are unhealthy or unable to meet our needs. Despite knowing this, we find ourselves unable to end or set boundaries in these one-sided relationships.
What Causes Codependency?
Understanding the Root Causes of Codependency
01
Growing Up in a Dysfunctional Family
Growing up in an unhealthy environment can teach us we are responsible for other's feelings, its our job to save others or that we're only loveable if we're useful to others. In addition, we may see codependent behaviors modeled by family members.
03
Close Relationships with People Suffering from Addiction or Mental Health Issues
Maintaining relationships with sick people demands a lot of emotional and mental energy. In order to keep the peace, we learn to prioritize their needs and wants. Leading us to lose sense of ourselves.
02
Insecure Attachment Style
Insecure attachment styles leave us with a sense that relationships are unsafe and our needs won't be met by others. This can lead us to internalize this, believing its our fault others can't meet our needs and making us more likely to look for external validation.
04
Traumatic and Stressful Experiences
Life events that overwhelm our ability to cope and leave us with a sense of helplessness and horror can lead us to look to others to feel needed, secure and like we have a purpose.
Can I Heal from Codependency?
Embark on a Path to Overcome Codependency
Yes! Healing from codependency is a journey that requires patience and commitment, but it is absolutely possible. With the right tools and support, you can break from unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships. It's important to remember that healing is not a linear process, and setbacks may occur, but with perseverance, you can achieve lasting change. Take the first step towards a healthier, more fulfilling life by seeking help and support today.
